Online integrative counselling for adults
Counselling for the anxiety, self-doubt and old patterns you carry quietly.".
A thoughtful, confidential space to understand what may lie beneath anxiety, overthinking, people-pleasing and self-doubt — and begin developing a more trusting relationship with yourself.
You may recognise yourself here
Capable, thoughtful and relied upon — yet struggling quietly within.
You might work, maintain relationships and meet other people's expectations while carrying a private sense of anxiety, inadequacy or disconnection.
Anxiety and overthinking
Your mind keeps preparing for what might go wrong, even when the feared outcome rarely happens.
People-pleasing and boundaries
You are dependable and generous, but saying no can bring guilt, fear or a sense that you are letting someone down.
Shame and self-doubt
Other people may see your competence, while privately you feel like an impostor or believe you are never quite enough.
Low mood and exhaustion
You feel tired, unmotivated or left behind, as though life is moving forward while you remain stuck outside it.
When the problem began as a solution.
Your responses make sense in the context in which they developed.
Anxiety may try to prevent you from being surprised. People-pleasing may help you avoid conflict or rejection. Overworking may promise recognition and safety. Procrastination or withdrawal may protect you from the possibility of failure.
These patterns are not evidence that something is fundamentally wrong with you. They may have helped you adapt to experiences in which your emotional needs, perceptions or boundaries were not consistently recognised.
Counselling offers a place to understand these patterns with compassion — and discover where different choices may now be possible.
The story beneath the symptoms
Nothing obviously traumatic had to happen for something important to have been missing.
You may have grown up with parents who cared for you practically but were emotionally unavailable, overwhelmed, critical or focused on their own needs. You may have learned to be useful, quiet, successful or easy to care for.
Similar adaptations can develop in romantic or family relationships marked by chronic invalidation, manipulation, gaslighting or controlling behaviour. You may become exceptionally good at reading everyone else while gradually losing touch with yourself.
Our focus is not on diagnosing people who are not in the room. It is on understanding what the relationship was like for you, how you adapted and what you need now.
“What did I have to become in order to remain connected, accepted or emotionally safe?”
What counselling can make possible
From self-protection and self-abandonment towards self-understanding, boundaries and agency.
Understand
Notice how anxiety, pleasing, overworking or withdrawing may have developed as ways of staying safe or connected.
Respond differently
Meet protective patterns with curiosity and compassion rather than fighting, judging or trying to silence them.
Reconnect
Recognise needs, wishes, frustration and anger that may previously have felt unsafe, selfish or unacceptable.
Choose
Experiment with clearer boundaries and small changes that support a life shaped by greater self-trust and agency.
A client reflection
Sometimes being met without judgement creates room for something new.
“Her approach was kind and non-judgmental, and it allowed me to be truly open and honest. I found a new strength and self-awareness I am very grateful for.”
Perhaps something here has begun to feel familiar. You are welcome to begin with a conversation.
Book a free initial callHow I work
Integrative counselling, shaped around you.
My foundation is integrative counselling: a relational and trauma-aware way of working that draws from different therapeutic perspectives according to your needs.
Alongside conversation and reflection, we may gently notice emotions and bodily responses. This is not about forcing you to relive experiences or assigning a fixed meaning to what your body does. It is another way of listening to your experience.
When relevant and agreed together, Systemic Family Constellations may offer an additional perspective on family roles and repeating patterns. It is always optional.
Sessions & fees
A consistent space to work at a pace that feels manageable.
Many clients choose medium- or longer-term counselling. Others begin with a more focused concern. We review the work together, so you do not need to decide everything before you begin.
- Session length
- 50 minutes
- Weekly
- £60 per session
- Fortnightly
- £70 per session
- Online
- UK-wide; international enquiries considered
- In person
- Limited availability in Crediton and Exeter
Questions before beginning
Frequently asked questions
Do I need to know exactly what is wrong?
No. Many people begin with only a sense that something feels wrong or that familiar ways of coping are no longer working. We can begin with what you notice now.
What if I have tried therapy before?
Previous therapy may have helped you understand your difficulties without fully changing how they feel. We can explore what was useful, what felt missing and whether a more relational or body-aware approach may help.
Do I have to use Family Constellations?
No. My foundation is integrative counselling. Systemic Family Constellations is an optional perspective and is only included when it feels relevant, helpful and agreed together.
Can I begin if I am still in a controlling or abusive relationship?
Yes, after an initial conversation about safety and suitability.
You may be unsure what is happening, clear about it but frightened, or unable to leave. We can explore your experience and, where appropriate, consider additional specialist support.
How long will counselling take?
Some people begin with a focused concern; others choose medium- or longer-term work. We review the work together, so you do not need to decide the full length before starting.
You do not need a perfect explanation
You can begin with the sense that something needs to change.
A free initial call offers a chance to tell me a little about what brings you to counselling, ask questions and consider whether working together feels right.
Book a free initial callLilian Pilgrim · MBACP Registered Integrative Counsellor